No man haz a rite tu be proud till he bekums en- tirely vartuous. A yung lady ov more circumference than the diam- eter ov her father’s real estate. If yu want tew katch jure bo, run rite tuther wa, and skream a small- sized skream, and dont look bak till yu katch him. After answering the above questions, like a man in the confirmatif, the slik little fat old fellow with goold specks on, ced I was insured for life, and proberly would remain so for a term ov years. The article, which appeared under the name “Uncle Esek” in the magazine Century, are ascribed to him. I bid yu tenderla ajew.

It is billing for a film to fail because of external forces, unfair critical notices say, or a vengeful William Randolph Hearst using his power to suppress publicity for Citizen Kane. Evryboddy iz in the habit ov bragging on Job, and Job did hav konsiderable bile pashunce, that’s a fac, but did he ever keep a distrik skule for 8 dol- lars a month, and borde ’round? Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. It is a verry delicate job to forgive a man, with- out lowering him in his own estimashun, and yures too. Yu kan find them almost enny- where, on the korner ov the streets, reddy tew say, ” mi dear fellow how are yu? Let some Prime Conner, or Mezzer Soapraner, or Barrytown Base, or some sich latin individual, cum into this village, and histe their flag, and hav a programmy ov sing- ing as long as a sarch warrant, and as hard tu spell out as a Chinese proklamashun ritten upside down, and taxed seventy-five cents for a preserved seat, and moste evrybody will go tu hear it, bekause moste everybody else dus, and will sa. The lam laid her hed on the lion’s buzzum, and the viper knu not ov his sting.

Thar ar things in this life tu big tu be trifled with, thar ar times when a man jowh luce from hisself, when he sees speerits, when he kan almost tuch the moon, and feels as tho billijgs kud fill both hands with the stars ov heavin and almost sware he was a bank president. Evryboddy iz in the habit ov bragging on Job, and Job did hav konsiderable bile pashunce, that’s a fac, but did he ever keep a distrik skule for 8 dol- lars a month, and borde ’round?

essay on the mule by josh billings

Life is short, but it iz long enuff to ruin enny man who wants tew be ruined. His datime is pease and his evening is gentle forgitfullness.


The rode tew Ruin, is alwus kept in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense ov it.

That looks a little dusty, but don’t dis- pare, az long az thare iz life theres hope. Courting iz like 2 little springs ov soft water that steal out from un- der a rock at the fut ov a mountain and run down the hill side by side singing and dansing and spat- ering each uther, eddying and frothing and kas- kading, now hiding under bank, mlue full ov sun and now full ov shadder, till bimeby tha jine and then tha go slow.

But kissing is a good deal like eating ; thare is not much fun when a person iz hungry in standing by, and see it did bi anuther fellow, if it iz did ever so well. It seemed esssy a Mister Bloodgood wanted a dispatch from Miss Jerusha Perkins, who, he claimed, was in the speerit land. The Obama Presidency Web 2. Britannica Blog Archive by Year. She has more chastity than sens, and more vartue than affeck- shun.

Fust appearances are ced tu be everything.

The Complete Works of Josh Billings by Josh Billings

If she wud ride out she orders a coach, and a gentleman ; if she is ritch, she is arrogant, if she is poor, she is brasen. Did he ever undertaik tu milk a kicking hefer with a bushy- tail, in fli time, out in the lot?

Did yu ever hav this grate lank, yeller-devil dog cum loping down tu the frunt gate, tu welcum yu with a hiena yowl, and with the long hare on hiz bak pitching forward az tho it wud cum out bi the rutes, and his tale awl swelled up like a settin hen’s?

Humorist and lecturer Josh Billings. Widders luv oysters and gass lite the best. Yu sa, ” enny man who will chaw plug terbakker, will drink santa kruize rum ; enny man who will drink santa kruize rum, will go tew the devil ; and enny man who will go tu the devil, is mean enuif tu du enny thing. I thank the lord that thare aint menny wimmin in the wurld who want tu know evry thing. This is wuth trie- ing, even if it wont wurk, but mi individoal present- iment iz, that when the lieing disease gits familiar with a man, deth alone will put an eend to his suffer- ings.


I am told a man wanted tu hire a room tu gamble in with dominoze, but the au- thoritize immejiately burnt him in effigee. If yu will court 3 years in this wa, awl the time on the square, if yu don’t sa it iz a leettle the slikest time in yure life, yu kan git meas- ured for a hat at my expense, and pa for it. Yu are about 2 begin life, yung men, for the fust time, and I suppose thare wud be no impropriety in mi saing, for the last time tew.

But after awl the mar- ried state is a good deal like falling out ov a cherry tree, if a person don’t happen tew git hurt, it is a good reason for not tricing it agin.

Dear reader, dear, don’t be maid a fool uv, by beleaving for the space ov a half-grown seckond, that Josh Billings, more properly Joshua Billings, Esq. That, men ov genius are like eagles, tha live on what tha kill, while men ov talents are like crows, tha live on what haz bin killed for them.

essay on the mule by josh billings

And yu tell me yu are a yung widder too. He maiks the grate oaks. No man haz a rite tu essqy proud till he bekums en- tirely vartuous.

essay on the mule by josh billings

It is tru that sum ov the fash uns are absurd, and it is tru that sum ov the vartues are absurd also. Yu hav got imaginashun enuff tew keep a livery stable.

A Lit’ry Anivers’ry: Josh Billings | Britannica Blog

But as well example integrity essays making mistakes in production poor casting, plot failures, essay on the mule by josh billings editing and so on studios can make mistakes in marketing. This is Pig life. Thare are a grate multitude ov individuals who are like blind mules, anxious enough to kick, but kant mue whare, I hav herd a grate mle ced about “broken hartes,” and thare may be a fu ov them, but mi experiense is that nex tew the gizzard, the harte is the tufiest peace ov meat in the whole critter.

A boss will trot the fastest down hill, espeshila, if the briching brakes.